12:12 a.m. is that magical moment when all the anger turns into tears.
After that horrible event I moved out of home and lived in a hotel (with mom of course), by this way I hope to calm a bit down and distract myself from those overwhelming negatives.
I swear it’s definitely the worst beginning of a year.
a.) no bed available at the psychiatric ward, I was so close to giving up seeking for help, plus the waiting just made me even more depressed. (gonna write another goddamn post about this for sure😠)
b.) I stopped taking ALL my medicines without permission which just worsened my situation.
c.) could barely tolerate myself eating anything or drinking water, then weight dropped rapidly again which was even lower than my last lowest, ughh:( how could I live with a bmi of 13 something?¿?¿
d.) as I viewed it, my parents were completely out of touch with what’s happening and how seriously dangerous my conditions were at that moment.
I contacted one of my teacher/therapist who’s actually not my teacher/therapist but anyway, he told me that I need to talk to my psychologist because the issues about those events and related feelings need to be addressed. Also my mom insisted me to see the doctor because I refused to take my meds for days.
Even though it was damn hard, I successfully done both ✔✔
Had a tough talk with my psychologist and went to the doctor afterwards.
It was hard to take the first step plus the process made me super exhausted, but I got to admit that I’m proud of myself and glad that I did what seemed impossible at the first place.
I spent the talks with my psychologist in both anger (wow but true though) and tears, probably over one and half packs of tissues (no kidding), and I came to realize that not only have I been in need of a good ugly cry (haha) but also the acknowledgement of how badly I was coping.
Now curling myself up in the hotel bed and typing this, kinda amazed by my exceptional vitality like wow I can still write such great length text 😎